How to Care Less, A Thanksgiving Story

This year has been a challenging one for me, in many ways.

I have been navigating a divorce, continuing to rebuild my career after fully stepping out of the home remodeling business I co-founded in 2007, supporting my children through big transitions, and much more.

And while I continue one step at a time through the hardest parts, I am surrounded by much love and support, so much that sometimes I have trouble letting it in. But I am practicing and, in the process, I am finding that the biggest gift I can give myself is the gift of caring less.

Now, I don't mean caring less about the people I love.

And I definitely don't mean caring less about the horrifying and heart-wrenching state of world events.

I specifically mean caring less about how things are supposed to be.

I mean caring less about what people might think of me if I don't show up in the way that is 'expected' of me.

I mean caring less about whether things appear picture-perfect.

In fact, it was in caring less that I was able to host the chillest Thanksgiving ever just this past weekend.

I didn't get dressed up - sweatpants for the win.

I didn't clean my house - thanks to RYS Community Sessions, it was in a tidy enough state already.

I didn't invite too many people - just my brother and sister-in-love and their kiddos.

I didn't cook food - I allowed myself to be held and supported by my brother and SIL, who brought a prepared meal to my house.

There weren't many family photos or any Insta-worthy shots of the turkey. There weren't any grand gestures. There weren't any decorations or extra trappings.

Instead, this year, we just enjoyed a day of being together, heating up some delicious food cooked by someone else, playing together when we felt like playing together, lying in bed when we felt like lying in bed, taking space from each other when we needed space, sitting together around a fire when we wanted to sit around a fire. We played 'keepie-uppie' with a balloon and some folks watched football on their phone and some of us roasted marshmallows.

We didn't have expectations of ourselves or each other except to be there and allow ourselves to love and be loved. And it was truly nourishing.

This is the kind of love I wish for you this holiday season. A love that shows up, is present, and honors your human-ness.

Sure - sometimes getting dressed up and preparing a 5-course meal and decorating your house is great fun too.

But at other times, and especially when it is coming from a place of obligation and caring too much what people might think of you, please, as I reminded one of my Reclaimers on Zoom the other day:​

​Fuck that shit!

It's not yours to carry. Put it down. And instead nourish yourself with gentle, unconditional, radical self-acceptance. Even if just for today.

I love you.

Tam

Yup...those are my feet and my comfy sweatpants.